Mindful Matters

Getting back to all things psychological

2009-09-11T23:22:00.000-07:00

I'm haven't posted anything on this blog because I have decided to put my political ramblings on a different blog- http://mindfullcsw.blogtownhall.com and keep this blog more focused on issues relating directly to mental health.

Also, I am now on a website www.fixmylove.com which focuses on relationship issues.

However, I am planning to keep this blog going as I want to maintain my own focus on helping people be more mindful.

In that vein let me just say that I know this is a very stressful time for a lot of people. The economic condition is concerning, school is back in session, healthcare issues are being hotly debated, etc. There is a lot of agitation in the air. So now is a great time to practice some of those cognitive therapy skills of reframing. For whatever reason, brains seems to dwell more easily on negative things and it takes a conscious effort to redirect your mental energy toward things that are good. Your first assessment of a situation is going to be an emotional response-the fight, flight or freeze(that is a new stress response they have recently added)and it takes waiting a few seconds to run things through your prefrontal cortex to come up with a more reasoned response. So tell your amygdala to hold on while you allow your executive functions to do their thing and I guarantee that your stress level will recede at least a little if not a lot.

We are on top of the food chain for a reason-we are designed to be the best thinkers. Sometimes we forget to use this great gift of analysis. Reading, writing and pondering are all activities that can help strengthen and enhance your cognitive abilities. You make your mind, so give it the time and attention it needs. Hopefully, we exercise all parts of us-our bodies, our minds and our spirits-that is a recipe that leads to the best mental health I have ever witnessed.

I hate insurance companies too but...

2009-08-19T07:52:00.000-07:00

Does anyone like insurance companies? No, but does that mean we should totally dismantle our healthcare system? I have been increasingly concerned as I have watched the Obama administration and the Congress and the Senate make very irresponsible choices with our money and our freedoms. Regardless of your feelings about healthcare you should be very wary of any plans being put forth by the Democratic Party. Every solution they offer up, although couched in good intentions-like helping the poor, really enables and weakens the poor as well as the middle class. What they are really saying is that the average individual is too incompetent or stupid and is incapable of making their own choices so they will decide things for you. The Democrats value power and control over freedom of choice or freedom of speech. Since when do constituents become the enemy?

It is starting to feel Nixonian to me with the paranoia being pushed by Obama and his people-doctors are bad, insurance companies are bad, profits are bad, CEO's are bad, people that disagree with them are out of control lunatics, Republicans are evil and the government, run only by democrats are all good and above reproach. Everything a democrat says is true and morally superior to what anyone else could come up with. Ya think?

Who is crazy here, the upset people at town hall meetings or our elected representatives ? What happened to that rallying cry that led to the American Revolution-taxation without representation? My ancestors and your ancestors left Europe for a reason-do we really want to go back there? What country is the envy of all the world? What country really funds the world? Which country pays for safe keeping forces, for education, for healthcare, for food, clothing, water for the African continent, for Europe, for Asia, for South America? I think it comes from all of those profits the Democrats are so worried about. We in America have the freedom to make money and to use money and if you take that away you are not only not helping our poor you are hurting the rest of the world. No one will have the resources to give nor will they give in the degree that we have if given the choice. China does not care what happens to anyone outside of China, France has a puny economy as does every other country in Europe. California has the world's 6th largest economy. Do you really want to dismantle our free marketplace one industry at a time?

Obama isn't wanting to improve the healthcare delivery system he wants to control it. I know many of us are enamored by his smooth speeches and flattering words but I think you have seen by now that what he says is at best partially true and sometimes and outright lie. If you can't believe what someone says how can you allow them to change things that will affect not just millions of Americans but billions of people around the world. Killing the private healthcare system will shoot a giant hole into our economy which will have worldwide ripples. Killing profits will limit research and ingenuity so that we will no longer be the leader in medical technology and treatment innovations. Having the government run healthcare will increase waste, inefficiency and incompetency, think the VA, military medicine, Medicare and Medicaid. I have worked in government healthcare. There is no incentive to do your best-I got in trouble for doing more than my coworkers and making them look bad. We were unionized, did mediocre work and had poor morale and high turnover . You really want that on a grand scale?

Also, people have a gross misunderstadning of howgovernment healthcare is presently funded. Medicare is subsidized big time by private insurance-it does not cover its own costs. So yes they provide services more cheaply but because your insurance picks up the tab by shifting the cost to you. For example, Medicare will reimburse a hospital $800/day when it costs $1000/day and your insurance company will get billed $1200/day. This is true with every government healthcare program-you really pay twice-once with your taxes and two if you have provate insurance. Part of the reason insurance costs have syrocketed is because people enrolled in government programs have syrocketed. In California we pay a large percentage of Mexico's healthcare costs but without the respect of being asked if we wanted to do that.

True reductions in healthcare costs involves immigration reform, government regulations being changed, tort reform,removing barriers between consumers and services. None of these issues is seriously or significantly addressed in present legislation. They neeed to burn those 1,00 pages and try again.

Wake up America before your told what time to wake up and what you should eat and who your doctor will be and what banks you can use and who knows what else. One of the reasons I liked being an adult is that I finally got to make my own decisions. I'd like to keep it that way.

What Is Homosexuality?

2009-06-13T22:00:00.000-07:00

Is it a condition? Is it a learned behavior? Is it some combination of the two? No one knows for sure. So why are we spending so much time and energy arguing about undoing a major tenet of society by redefining marriage when we don't even know what it means to be "gay"? Where is the dialogue about how to define same gender attraction? Where is the caution that causes us to hesitate to impact all other life forms by changing their environment and yet we are ready to run pell mell into the unknown about homosexuality with little or no analysis? Should homosexuality have more power and influence in our society than heterosexuality? Are we seriously going to grant special privileges and status to something with no proven benefit to mankind? In what way does living a homosexual lifestyle benefit individuals, couples, families, communities, our country or the world?

No one is asking questions-at least not that are ever publicized. To live a life defined as "gay" or "lesbian" rather than being freeing in all actuality will be limiting. You will no longer be free to choose to alter if you are attracted to your same gender. Already we cannot openly disagree with anything other than what the Gay and Lesbian lobby believe. And does the handful of people who respresnt the gay lobby speak for everyone with same gender attraction or behavior?Apparently, only people with same gender attraction are allowed to have opinions on sexuality or to make decisions about sexuality. Heterosexuals are apparently less enlightened. The lack of serious analysis and logic is very disturbing and I hope that as reasonable adults we will sit back and be critical thinkers. We have rushed to judgement and have reached a very illogical conclusion. Gay marriage has nothing to do with equal rights, or fairness or kindness or love. It has to do with wants, self absorption, emotional reasoning and
confusion.

Have people with same gender attraction been treated poorly in the past? Yes. Was homosexuality misunderstood in the past? Yes. But in our attempts to correct these ills we have swung in an even more damaging direction. We still don't understand homosexuality and now we are treating a different group of people with unfair judgement and ridicule. So while we may feel that we have progressed I fear that overall we have regressed and caused harm to an even greater number of people both "gay" and straight.

Americans have gone into a trance and are passively accepting and or being bullied into something that makes zero sense when you pull back and look at the big picture. Nature(life) is all about male and female-opposites. Nature(life) is all about reproduction. Nature(life) is about not just surviving but progressing. Same gender attraction negates all three of these key components of our existence. You cannot progress when you remove the Yin from the Yang and society will cease to exist when your remove reproduction from sexual expression. Men acting like women and women acting like men with no investment in the future or no willingness to sacrifice-which is what parenting entails have no positive end. Same gender relationships may exist for the moment and they may feel good but they have no lasting purpose. There is no continuity between the past, present and future. Same gender relationships exist only for the present.

There was a reason why people had homophobia-not to be judgemental but because it was a warning of something that was not ideal. Poison oak has pretty leaves but that doesn't mean you should touch it. Most of our prejudices and biases have an element of truth in them. Let us be mindful of what those original hesitations were and combine them with compassion, understanding and patience but not acceptance of things that we know on some level are not best for anyone.

Seeking An Internal Life

2009-04-27T17:32:00.000-07:00

The world we live in has become very external. People's appearance, possessions, wealth, prestige, fame and power seem to be the primary motivator in their existence. What happened to looking within? The irony is that because of our wealth and because of modern technology we finally have the luxury-at least in industrialized nations in the West-to have time to be more introspective. Unfortunately, it seems we have lost our internal balance and therefore endangered our collective well being. The initial unrest and rebellion that began in the 60's championing individual rights at the expense of the greater good was really an outgrowth of people lacking a fulfilling inner life and trying to find it in all the wrong places-drugs, unrestricted sex, violence-undoing anything that was deemed worthwhile to adults The 70's may have been even more damaging than the 60's as that was when rebellion became more institutionalized, meaning that basic definitions of appropriate behavior or even the basic building blocks of our society were mocked and became more pervasive throughout society rather than being restricted to a small group. Marriage was undermined by changes in divorce law, definitions of femininity and masculinity were confused(androgyny was heralded as the ideal), standards for mental health were radically altered, patriotism went underground, primary institutions that were the foundation of safety and morality were undermined-the military, police, service organizations such as Kiwanis, the Lions Club, churches and especially the nuclear family. Our society no longer wants to be limited by "the norms", rejecting the very things that have kept this country safe and stable for over 200 years. We are now controlled by the opinions of "the exceptions". In other words we are defined by how we feel rather than what makes logical sense. We are governed by individual bodily urges rather than by restraint and what makes sense for the group as a whole.

In my training as a social worker we were taught to look at and value the "Gestalt" or the wholeness of a person, family, community or society. While psychology focused on the individual, social work was supposed to be about considering the whole of life experience. Sadly, even my colleagues have abandoned their search for wholeness to their God of political correctness and their hesitancy to set boundaries. Having an internal life is what yields a satisfying external life. You cannot find fulfillment through ease, permissiveness, shallowness or self absorption. These only lead to greater yearnings and frustration. Wholeness comes from balance, honesty, work, discipline-the boring things your mother or grandmother told you when you were little.

So try sitting still, taking a deep breath, thinking about other people, avoiding rash decisions or new fangled solutions, resist the temptation to believe everything you hear, especially if it is from the news media-study it out in your own mind, use reason, the wisdom of the ages and maybe even try allowing spiritual influences to enter your consciousness-that is if you really want the truth and if you really want a happy, productive and satisfying life.

Deja Vu-King George III and the British Parliament Are Back

2009-04-16T10:22:00.000-07:00

We are witnessing yet again how history repeats itself. What has been the number one complaint of citizens across cultures, eras, governing regimes? Unfair tax burdens. It is a sure sign of the ruling body being detached from the people they represent and of becoming too focused on their own needs for power and or riches when they keep demanding more money from their citizenry. It was fascinating watching a talk show a few weeks ago when the commentator asked a more left leaning participant at what percentage point was the tax burden too high-the man really struggled to give a number-finally he blurted out between 45-50%. What a distorted idea that people should expect to give away half of what they earn to their government especially in a free society where they choose the people to represent them. We expect despots and tyrants to economically and emotionally abuse the people in such a way but not in a free society. And just for your information we have reached that unacceptable level. If you combine all of the local, state and federal taxes, "fees" and "assessments"(other words for taxes) you are paying at least in that percentage bracket if not more. What do we do that is not taxed? We have slowly given away more and more and more until finally we have to stop the bleeding and say enough. It is not unreasonable to say we should not have to work to support the government. We are supposed to be working to suppport ourselves and our families.

The mainstream media in America continues to demonstrate their arrogance and bias by scorning the feelings of many Americans in their expression of disgust with our governments ever increasing fiscal irresponsibility. This all sounds hauntingly similar to the things King George and the House of Lords stated about those rabble rousing americans back in the late 1700's. The issue isn't the tea you idiots it is taxation without representation. And yes we are no longer being led by a government that listens to it's constituents. Americans did not elect Barack Obama to raise taxes, bail out banks, corporations and unions but to clean up the greed, graft and business as usual in Washington. Instead it seems that once elected President Obama has allowed Washington to influence him rather than vice versa.

As a nation we are still waiting for a leader-for a person with courage, convictions and integrity to help us navigate tough issues of foreign policy, social and moral disintegration and economic uncertainty. Unfortunately we erroneously believed in and elected an individual who has none of these characteristics even though we hoped that he did. I sincerely hope that voters will be a little more discriminating the next time around and believe what a person has done more than what they may APPEAR to be or what they might say. President Obama is being exactly what many of us feared he would be-an arrogant, leftist and naive man with delusions of grandeur.

So while President Obama sits up in his castle, entertaining dignitaries and enjoying the fruits of our labors with his lavish lifestyle we the the people will rise up and express ourselves like our forefathers did for what is right and good for our country. Kings and rulers come and go but this nation has stayed strong inspite of some of our leaders because we still work hard, pay taxes, go to church, help our neighbors and speak out when our government gets a little too out there. We have our finger on the pulse of what is really going on in this country and if you listen good things can happen. Or you can be like King George and his bloated advisors and assume you know better and wake up wondering what happened without you.

So hats off to all you tea party attendees and the next focus should be boycotting CNBC, CBS, CNN and whoever else refuses to show respect for those of us who are the backbone of this country. If you can't report NEWS then we won't watch and you too seem to have forgotten an old adage-don't bite the hand that feeds you.

Freedom is our country's defining characteristic and out of control taxation is one of the main culprits in restricting our choices. This is about much more than money but about individual rights and responsibilities. No one prospers under a system of entitlements and restricted freedom. We will all lose regardless of what elitist pundits and white tower intellectuals claim. The proof is in the history books-no civilization has prospered when you have taken power from the people and given it too the government-fasicm, socialism, marxism, communism, dictatorships have all been different versions of the same misguided notion-that a handful of people know better than the people as a whole. To stay strong as a country and as individuals we have to return to basic principles of hard work, sacrifice, honesty, responsibility and championing freedom. (See a previous post)

Using Your Mental Energy to the Fullest

2009-03-06T18:38:00.000-08:00

Just a quick post to encourage everyone to really pay attention to the nature of their thoughts. It is very easy in a time of uncertainty and frustration to become focused on external ideas and have those literally "fill our minds". One of the awesome things about our brains is that they will respond to direction and can become very powerful tools in helping us be more productive and happy.

Decide to select out ideas that are positive, productive, and purposeful. There are many things going on in the world right now and while it is important to be informed and involved it is also important to hold on to a comprehensive picture of our world which includes many good things. It is our positive focus that gives us the energy and determination to deal with the negative forces in our lives.

Remember whatever you pay attention to is what you will become. You are a sum total of your thoughts. Whatever cognitions you allow to rest in your mind trigger your feelings and behavior. You can't focus on doom and gloom and feel good. Unfortunately, for most of us it is easier to flow to a place of negativity and anxiety. That is where overriding your natural impulse by consciously deciding to put different thoughts in your mind can lead you to very different results. Choosing to be mindful will definitely improve your life experience and your mental health! As my niece once said, think about "rainbows and ponies" and while that may seem silly there was a lot of wisdom in that idea. By the way yesterday I really did notice two rainbows during an otherwise very stressful day. I'm sure glad my niece had planted that idea in the garden of my mind. Take time to plant some other good thoughts for others and yourselves.

The Forgotten Virtues

2009-02-16T09:39:00.000-08:00

One of the basic principles you learn in Economics 101 is that there is no such thing as a free lunch. This idea has truth not just in the field of economics but also relating to our physical, emotional. spiritual and social selves. Anything of value requires the expenditure of effort, a conscious, determined action towards a desired goal. Since the focus of this blog is mental health I will focus on how our societies' arrogant assumption that there is a newer, easier way to approach life has led to worsening emotional health for individuals and for our society as a whole.

Whether we like it or not we are subject to certain physical laws. One of the core laws of our world is the Second Law of Thermodynamics which in essence states that everything flows to a state of disorganization or chaos unless otherwise acted upon. Translated that means that to stay strong mentally, physically, spiritually,etc. that you cannot remain in a state of passivity or inactivity. Staying at a state of equilibrium let alone improving requires effort. For example, we realize that to strengthen muscles they need resistance or to experience some level of opposition. Without that "stretching" which also involves some level of physical discomfort or pain the muscles get weaker, they atrophy. We see this with intellectual functioning-the old adage use it or lose it is universally understood to be true. It is fascinating to me that we somehow suspend this concept when it comes to emotional or spiritual health. People assume that these areas of their lives should be about avoiding pain and involving minimal if any effort. That emotional and spiritual well being should just naturally happen and not involve any effort on their part.

How do people grow emotionally? By having to face difficult situations and figure out their own solutions. By having to learn how to be patient, using mental discipline to overcome natural impulses. By learning how to sacrifice-doing what is good for the group as a whole rather than for their own well being. By learning how to think independently and critically rather than passively believing whatever they hear or see. By learning emotional and spiritual self reliance. All of these things are harder than what our society is promoting as desirable-namely instant gratification, sexual and financial irresponsibility, having it all, choosing to marry or have children when or if it is convenient or comfortable, or lately even redefining things so that it fits what you want rather than you fitting in with societal norms. Obscenity has become commonplace, vulgarity is the language of the day, materialism is the driving force and more recently now even removing our ability to use our creativity, intelligence, stamina and resourcefulness to solve difficult financial problems. If the government or the media decide things for us and seek to take away every opportunity to struggle and be tested then how can we stay strong? In a family if you want to raise strong, responsible children you don't do things for them you let them learn by doing, by having to struggle and overcome, by having to go without. You love them and encourage them but you don't coddle them or do it for them-that weakens not only their intellectual and physical selves it atrophies their soul. They can then have zero self confidence, no empathy for others, no ability to problem solve and will be a drain on the family rather than a contributor. We see this happening with many families now and against all reason we know are considering doing the exact same thing but on a much larger scale. Now our country is going to become the great enabler and we will undo all the great qualities that have kept this country strong. Our country has undergone many different kinds of crises in its over 200 hundred year existence-natural disasters, wars, economic difficulties, moral strife and yet we have risen above all of them due to the strength of the individual members of our society. The government is there to strengthen and assist it's citizens not vice versa. Countries that have allowed their governing entities to control them have become weaker on every level-England, the USSR, Cuba, Venezuela, etc. have not benefited from straying from the basic laws of physics, which some would say are God's laws. Removing the tension from our lives by trying to make things pain free only creates a different kind of pain-a longer lasting, insidiously slow path towards destruction-from the inside out. People need to be free to act for themselves, to make their own choices, to learn their own lessons, to use their own money, time and intellect. Freedom to exercise their natural abilities is what is best for individuals, families and societies. History has demonstrated repeatedly that there is not a better way to happiness and well being than hard work, self restraint, sacrifice, sharing, cooperating, living in traditional families, being actively involved in a religion and living under a system of government that fosters individual freedom.

Remember someone pays for lunch-it just who gets to decide who pays?

National Mental Health Alert-Our collective sanity challenged by the media

2009-01-20T15:28:00.000-08:00

Watching the political events of the last two years I have become increasingly concerned about the lack of our collective mental health. As a nation we have become borderline(a personality disorder that sends chills down the backs of most therapists). We cannot handle stress of any kind, once disappointed we demonize the perceived source of our pain, we take no responsibility for our situations, our moods swing from one end of the spectrum to the other without sufficient cause, we look for quick fixes through drugs,mindless entertainment, we have no internal source of strength nor the ability to self regulate relying on external sources for solutions,and we are ultimately emotion driven abandoning any pretense at logic. Has anyone been concerned at the extreme hatred for President Bush that swung to the almost messianic worship of President Obama? Is there a logical foundation for either expression? Is any one person so powerful that they could warrant either of these responses?

The immense disdain for President Bush really symbolizes a primitive, immature need for a scapegoat for all the negatives of the last 8 years from natural disasters to economic meltdowns, to global warming (which may not exist anyway). Somehow he became the lightning rod for all the combined psychological pain from the left-the narcissistic wound they suffered back in 2000 when Al Gore barely lost the election. That psychological trauma was re-experienced in 2004 when the democrats lost yet again and it has been a borderline rampage ever since. The media is at the forefront of this extreme behavior fomenting both a crazed dislike for President Bush on the one hand while cultivating an equally illogical adoration for President Obama. The psychoanalysts should be having a hey day with this stuff. In true borderline fashion the hatred is then replaced by the need for an idealized figure-enter Barack Obama-a man who found himself, or maybe with some help made himself ,the perfect storm into which he could sail through cleanly to the Presidency. Is it not disturbing or upsetting on some level to think that the most important job in the land is so readily given away without proof of competency other than some one's ability to appear a certain way? I am reminded of the Emperor's New Clothes. Metaphorically speaking he may really be spiritually, emotionally and intellectually "naked". What person shops for a church ? Don't you belong to a church whose doctrines and teachings you think come from God-does this change from city to city? Or again further evidence of an empty suit. Just because everyone, i.e. the media, thinks President Obama is intelligent, caring, patient, kind, empathic and going to fix all of our social, economic and political ills does not mean this is true. It merely means we all have an extreme case of mis-attribution. I believe President Obama has the most intense case of this disorder arrogantly assuming that he is the answer to all our problems and comparing himself to Lincoln, Washington and the like-(does the name Rasputin mean anything to anyone?) These men were great because they were humble, because their character became evident through the trials they faced. If Barack Obama had great character he would not need or want to be self promoting; 1.by authoring two books about himself and 2)before he had really accomplished anything in life. His one book would more accurately be entitled "The Audacity". In addition, if he were truly a great man he would never have sought the office he presently holds realizing that a relatively young,inexperienced person such as himself would not be able to do as good a job as someone with more experience and character that can only come with living a certain amount of time. However, his life has not ever been about realism. It has been about getting bumped to the front of the line, about his pain, his ideas-ultimately about him. Really the man he most reminds me of in terms of historical figures are people such as Napoleon or Alexander Hamilton if you want an American example.

So beware President Obama because the people may act like they love you now but once you have let them down, which you most certainly will because you are just a man and a rather ordinary one at that, then you too will experience the vitriol and venom that results from unrealistic hopes and wants dashed and drowned in the realities of adult life. Borderlines only get better with very long term, intensive treatment and unfortunately our society has yet to clue into the degree of it's dysfunction. So our collective society left untreated will only continue to unravel and you too will experience the pathology unleashed on President Bush. The problem exists in the lack of emotional and spiritual stability in many of the people in our society and especially in the psyche of our media.

And President Bush I would like to apologize for the really bad behavior of many of my fellow citizens. While it is true you too may not have been the person best suited for the Presidency-actually name the person that was other than Abraham Lincoln and George Washington. At least you were honest and had no pretense. You were ironically a lot more humble than your detractors like to characterize you and you did what was best for the country. You kept us safe and gave us a long period of unprecedented prosperity. You are not to blame for Katrina, terrorism, the conflict in the Middle East or the only person responsible for the economic mess we are in. You and your wife handled yourselves with decorum and grace under very difficult circumstances and we thank you for your service.

Please Identify Yourself!

2008-12-11T12:52:00.000-08:00

I have actually been working on a posting about sexual development but it is going to take a little more research before I am ready to post it so I thought I would write a few quick ideas about the importance of our individual and collective identities.

How we choose to think about ourselves and specifically the words we use to describe ourselves are core to how we then behave. There is an important word in that last sentence-choose. You are not born with an identity-you are born with characteristics, predispositions, possible preferences but how you exhibit these involves choice. Some of us are certainly more aware or mindful of the choices we are making but nonetheless we do decide what we are going to pay attention to, what we are going to believe and what we will then do.

One of my major concerns about our society is the tremendous pressure for individuals to identify themselves by their sexuality. You see this specifically with the same gender movement. In times past people would predominantly identify themselves by their ethnicity, their gender, their religious affiliation, their level of education, their occupation, their degree of wealth, their geographic origins, their age, their interests, etc. Depending on the label identified with a person would then engage in behaviors that supported or promoted that identity. For example, if someone viewed their main identity as being a baseball player that would probably be the phrase they would use first if asked to describe themselves. Much of their conversation would revolve around baseball. They would wear baseball jerseys and probably a baseball hat. They would spend a great deal of time playing, watching or coaching baseball. Choosing that identity brings with it a whole host of related thoughts, feelings and behaviors which if that were a person's only identity would be limiting but certainly not destructive to society as a whole.

Most people do not rely solely on one aspect of themselves to form their identity. Someone might say that they are an educated female who is Catholic and is a Bostonian. Having multiple areas of focus allows a person more freedom of choice in subsequent behaviors and evidences a more well rounded approach to life. These individuals usually have varied friends to meet their varied interests and they are capable of understanding different viewpoints because they have different perspectives from their different identifying characteristics.

Each of our identifying characteristics carries with it certain expectations and perceptions. We do not have to follow those expectations but many people allow labels to dictate who they will be. This was very evident in our last election. People who primarily identified themselves by their African American ethnicity overwhelmingly followed certain voting patterns-over 90% voted for Barack Obama and a very high percentage voted for Prop 8. For whatever reason this cohort has a more rigid identity with higher behavioral pressures and expectations. There is tremendous pressure in the black community to stick to these expectations which if violated leads to ridicule and being ostracized. Unfortunately, many of these characteristics have been the very things that have kept the black community and black individuals from progressing academically, financially, etc.

Some of the things we choose as identifiers are conditions such as our age, gender or ethnicity and others are choices that we make such as our educational level or our religious affiliation. Nonetheless the power lies not in the source of our identifying characteristic but the degree to which we identify with it.

One of my major concerns about the homosexual movement is that 1. they want your sexuality to be your primary identity and 2. they have a very narrow definition for what it means to have same gender attraction(Gay or Lesbian), multiple gender attraction(Bisexual) or to be a cross dresser/confused gender identity(Transgender). Our sexuality is just one of many aspects of our being and I don't think the most important one. Going back to earlier statements if we primarily identify by our sexual selves that means our dress, thoughts, feelings and behaviors will all tend to support and promote that identity. The friends we make, the careers we choose, the activities we engage in will all flow from our sexual world view. There is some truth to all stereotypes and we certainly see the limitations of focusing your physical and mental and spiritual energy on sexuality. Just like having baseball as your primary identity can be limiting so can having your sexual behavior as an identity. People that are heterosexual in their orientation do not typically have that as a conscious part of their identity. They don't vote based on their being heterosexual, dress heterosexually, listen to certain music or vacation in certain heterosexual hot spots. They are free to choose a variety of behaviors based on the different parts of their personality and selves that they choose to focus on and magnify. They are more free to expand their understanding of themselves and not fit into narrow expectations that ironically are pushed by the very group trying to "free" them-the gay activists.

There is less freedom of choice in the same gender lifestyle, less self awareness, and less for society to reap from these individuals because they insulate and set themselves up in an adversarial position with the rest of society. It becomes us versus them. Conflict, misunderstanding, and anger have been the fruits of the same gender movement. Our society does not need further divisions and subgroups but rather attempts to unify and find common ground. Really the same gender movement is about individual wants, power and attention. This sounds similar to what has kept the black community stagnant for over 40 years. Actually the black community has not stood still but has continued to deteriorate. The only individuals who have succeeded have broken free from their "black" identity. Why would individuals want to follow a similar strategy with their sexuality? Why put yourself in a narrow box especially when that identity is frequently based on faulty assumptions, i.e. that you were born that way?

Obsessing on sexual things has been destructive for our society and for individuals. Let us return to a more rational and spiritual focus to define who we are. This country was based on basic spiritual truths to define who we are and what is expected of us. Let us not forsake the sacrifices of men and women who evidenced far more wisdom than we have seen in years. Having their primary identities be about spiritual things led to the development of the finest country ever in the history of the world. Let the results speak for themselves.

What Does Science Say?

2008-11-14T09:53:00.000-08:00

The following is an article I sent to the Ventura County Star in response to an article in the Tuesday, November 11, 2008 edition, page B7 entitled, "Civil Rights not won at ballot box" by Jerry Clifford. See VenturaCounty Star.com

We are lucky to live in an era where so much is being discovered about our minds and bodies. Unfortunately, oftentimes scientific inquiry is driven by political expediency and so it becomes difficult for the general public to know what to believe. Complicated data are reduced to sound bites that often bear little resemblance to the conclusion of the actual research being reported on. Information about same gender attraction has been caught in the throes of this war of words, trying to sway the public’s opinion towards a notion of biological inevitability. However, this viewpoint is inconsistent with other scientific evidence.

In the last ten years neuroscience has made incredible discoveries. My opinion is that this research has been more objective since it has not been for the purpose of supporting a specific political agenda as in the case of research on homosexuality. What scientists overwhelmingly agree on is that the human mind is much more plastic (malleable) than had previously been believed and that humans are capable of learning throughout their life span. How wonderful to realize that we have amazing capacities to influence our own thinking, feeling and behaving. We are not bound by our biology but can choose to maximize or minimize whatever genetic predispositions we may have-whether they are physical, emotional or intellectual. You can improve your coordination, increase your I.Q., alleviate most depressive symptoms, overcome the ravages of strokes, learn to speak a new language after 50, etc. It is widely held that every aspect of being human involves nature and nurture. So even though they have found a gene for racism, and for most everything else by the way, no one is making the claim that people are justified in acting on those predispositions The same gender movement would have you believe that your sexuality is the ONLY part of your humanness that is beyond your control-that you are “born that way”.

In a recent article in this paper Dr. Clifford cites one study done in 1993 by Dean Hamer. Dr. Hamer is someone with same gender attraction and his study was on self reported same gender men. However, rather than citing the researchers own opinion he cites the conclusion picked up by the news media-that “genetics plays a significant role in determining homosexuality”. Let me quote Dr. Hamer in his own conclusion “...”suggesting the possibility of sex linked transmission in a portion of the population,”at least one subtype of male sexual orientation is genetically influenced.” Hardly a ringing endorsement for a gay gene. A study done by Dr. Rice trying to replicate Hamer’s findings, found “ our study was larger than that of Hamer et al, we certainly had adequate power to detect a genetic effect as large as reported in that study. Nonetheless our data do not support the presence of a gene of large effect influencing sexual orientation…”

It would appear that all human behavior is influenced genetically. But exactly how is still not understood. The same gender movement has researched every possible angle to prove sexual orientation is not a choice and so far the findings show correlations, descriptions but not causation. So it is inaccurate and misleading to use science to bolster claims for equal rights. It would be more honest to say this is something the same gender movement really wants but not something they are owed or should be granted based on their biology. There is insufficient evidence for the claim that homosexuality is a condition but lots of evidence for the argument that homosexuality is like all other human behaviors a complex interplay between biology and environment.

Go Straight(Excuse the pun) to the Source

2008-11-01T13:20:00.000-07:00

Very few people have actually read the studies that started the whole push for equal rights. I cannot provide links to these studies, they are copyrighted, but I can list the references so that you can look them up yourself.

1. LeVay, Simon, "A Difference in Hypothalamic Structure Between Heterosexual and Homosexual Men, Science, Volume 253: 1034-1037

2. Hamer, Dean, Hu, Stella et al. "A Linkage Between DNA Markers on the X Chromosome and Male Sexual Orientation", Science, Volume 261, July 16, 1993: 321-327.

3. Bailey, J.M. and Pillard, R.C. "A genetic study of male sexual orientation", American Journal of Psychiatry,150(2):272-277, 1993.

The first two studies have not been replicated and have serious methodological flaws. There is another gene study that is supposed to come out this year. The third researcher, Dr. Bailey was indicted for engaging in fraud and so his research has been questioned but again not by anyone outside of scientific circles. There are additional twin studies but they found lower than the 50% that Bailey found of identical twins exhibiting same gender attraction. Still only half of identical twins shared a homosexual attraction indicating that there is something else going on in the expression of same gender behavior.

There are a few organizations and or scientists who have been brave enough to present other interpretations for the data being reported by the mainstream media.

The first and third articles listed on the side bar are by Dr. Jeffrey Satinover and provide an easy to read explanation of genetic research.

Here is an additional link of a video showing three marriage and family researchers discussing concerns regarding same gender marriage. http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid1847329084/bctid1825879383

Listed below are three organizations dedicated to helping individuals and families dealing with same gender issues. They are excellent resources of information, research, treatment options, support groups, etc.

http://www.evergreeninternational.org/

http://www.narth.com/

http://www.exodus-international.org/

One last article on a different way to view the data .

Byne, Willliam. "Why We Cannot Conclude That Sexual Orientation Is Primarily a Biological Phenomonen", Journal of Homosexuality, Vol.34(1);73-80,1997.

Happy reading and viewing!

Where is Truth?

2008-10-30T21:55:00.000-07:00

Throughout the course of history humankind has relied on two basic sources for truth-religion and science. Typically people have viewed these perspectives as mutually exclusive -but that is the topic of another blog. My purpose in this musing is to register my concern that as a society as a a whole we have abandoned both. Most major religions don't stand for anything anymore or at least what they preach today is not even what they promoted 20 years ago. Their "doctrines" shift with the ever changing tide of public opinion. Polls and popularity are deciding what the religions will preach, and many worship at the altars of political correctness, ease and materialism. Even sacred texts like the bible are reinterpreted to fit the wants of an increasingly promiscuous and coarse culture. Fortunately, there are a few exceptions to this trend which has been magnified in the battle over Prop 8. The Catholic church, the LDS church, and many Baptist and evangelical congregations, as well as our Muslim and Sikh brothers and sisters have stood firm in their support of time honored teachings about marriage. Unfortunately, even many in those congregations do not support their church leadership but are living lives totally incongruent with their churches teachings. On the other end of the scale are many mainstream congregations who can no longer be relied on to teach truth but only what helps people feel good and feel free of guilt or sacrifice. Religion is no longer about helping people live a higher and better law-Gods law-but creating their own set of beliefs and arrogantly assuming they know better than God. Isn't anything sacred anymore? Is nothing absolute?

Science has also abandoned it's purpose. The whole definition of science is to discover the truth. But on issue after issue supposed learned men and women of science have ignored foundational principles of research to promote certain ideas and agendas. Very little of the research in the social sciences has credibility anymore due to the unbelievable bias, poor methodology and blatant misinterpretation of data. The mainstream media has been complicit in this process of misreporting findings, not reporting data that contradicts their viewpoint and promoting opinions as actual fact. Ironically, most of this questionable"research"is funded with your tax dollars. NIH (The National Institute of Health) and NIMH (National Institute of Mental Health) have authorized numerous studies(costing millions of dollars) to uncover a genetic or biological basis for homosexuality. They will not fund and are very hesitant to publish anything that contradicts or questions such assumptions. This is also true of research looking at the effects of same gender parenting on children.

As a qualifier there are religions and individuals who have valiantly adhered to their teachings in spite of tremendous pressure (and even outright intimidation and abuse) to change what they believe and live. Also, there are some scientists who have courageously found funding on their own and even have paid to have their results published-who are actually searching for truth rather than proof.

Can a society long endure that has no boundaries, no moral stability, no stable social definition? I am deeply and profoundly saddened at the shift from the desire for truth and goodness to a culture of pleasure, permissiveness and pride. If we base our lives on falsehoods how can we expect to progress as individuals, families or nations? People who stand for truth are ridiculed, ignored and minimized by those with angry, illogically based mantras. They twist and distort anything that is traditional to appeal to their vanity and ease and all in the name of tolerance, love and equal rights.

So instead of God and prophets and or science we have Oprah Winfrey, Tom Brokaw, Brad Pitt, etc. People Magazine, the LA Times, Newsweek are now more important sources of morality and truth than the Old and New Testament. And this is intelligent thinking? The values found in the Bible actually are similar to those found in the Koran, and other sacred texts and they have been the backbone for most of known civilization. These should be supplanted by people who seek attention for a living? Who gave such a small group of dysfunctional people so much power and why?

"Oh say what is truth...?"

Unintended Consequences

2008-10-26T18:06:00.000-07:00

During the last week I have come across many Prop 8 opponents. Most of them have been very angry and have offered only two main arguments for why Prop 8 should be defeated. The first argument is that it somehow denies equal rights and is therefore discriminatory and unfair. The second argument is that allowing same gender marriage won't harm anyone. It is interesting to note that proponents of Prop 8 can provide a much longer list of reasons for preserving traditional marriage, such as:

1. It is better for children
2. It will preserve religious freedoms
3. It will maintain parental rights
4. It will protect our society from other definitional onslaughts on marriage, i.e. polyandry, polygamy, and other marital permutations.
5. It is what is best for individuals and our society
6. It still allows for same gender couples the legal benefits afforded a married couple.

But I digress-what I really wanted to focus on is a response to the idea that same gender marriage is somehow benign and will have no negative consequences for individuals or our society.

Consider the logic behind environmental impact reports. It was determined by environmentalists, and to some extent rightfully so, that before embarking on major building projects, studies should be done to assess the possible impact on the flora and fauna, traffic patterns, air quality, etc. of a community before giving an approval to proceed. These studies usually involved numerous different consultants, lots of time and large amounts of money. In other words every conceivable physical consequence was anticipated and weighed before any digging started. It is utterly appalling to me that we have embarked on the largest experiment in society without even a thought or acknowledgment at how changing the very core bedrock of family structure-marriage-could possible effect us. It might not effect the air but it will change more than just what it purports to change. The question is how profound and damaging the effects will be. Everything on our planet is interrelated.
Remember "No man is an island..." Let's consider other changes to marriage or the family and some of the unintended consequences. The 60's seemed to be a time of openness, of breaking down barriers about civil rights for blacks, women's rights, sexual freedoms. At first glance it may have seemed a productive period in our history. However, while there may have been some good that came out of the 60's that time period also laid the foundation for some of our greatest social ills in 2008. The "make love not war" slogan was the rallying cry of the sexual revolution. Rather than having boundaries about what was appropriate in sexual expression the rule of thumb became "if it feels good do it." What have been some of the societal impacts that we can report:
1. Unprecedented levels of sexually transmitted diseases have flowed from a lack of sexual boundaries. Who can forget the aids epidemic of the 80's and now the almost unbelievably high number of cases of chlamydia, herpes and even the development of new strains of STD's. Also, there has been a new outbreak of Aids in San Francisco which has gone largely unreported because it would harm the same gender marriage movement. Thanks to our popular culture STD"s are not just the bane of adults they have now filtered down to our young adults and youth. What often goes unreported is that STD's are the largest single contributor to infertility.
2. The obsession with sex in our media driven culture. Every single source of information be it television, radio, newspapers, the internet, movies, magazines has an article, program, or advertisement about sex. This has also helped fuel younger and younger children in engaging in sexual behavior before they are cognitively and morally ready to make such important decisions. An additional consequence has been the explosion of pornography in our culture which has frightening ramifications for an increase in sexual assaults, dehumanization of women a weakening of appropriate emotional bonds in relationships, an increase in depression and anxiety, and in illegal behavior. The newest and most rapidly growing addiction-sexual addictions.
3. The weakening of marriage by passing laws to make divorces easier to obtain. This is frighteningly similar to what I think will happen with same gender marriage. Which is that the needs of children get sacrificed on the feelings, needs and wants of adults. The notion of sacrifice is mocked and personal gratification is again put front and center. Freud felt that homosexuality was the ultimate expression of narcissism, and he was hardly conservative about sexual issues.
4. Very high rates of abortion, the majority of which are from irresponsible sexual behavior, not from women being raped or health problems endangering the mother.
5. Higher rates of infidelity and or premarital sexual behavior.
7. Higher percentages of people identifying as homosexual, especially in large urban areas that have significant same gender populations

There are many other consequences that came out of the sexual revolution and many of them influenced each other to create a downward spiral. These outcomes then create other consequences and the cycle of sexual obsession continues to escalate.

None of these consequences were anticipated or desired but they have occurred nonetheless. That is why some of us who have lived long enough to have experienced and studied these social trends have been very concerned about the potential outcomes of championing same gender marriage. Gay activists and others have been either naive or outright deceitful in pushing such a significant change with so little forethought.

There are indicators available for us to study-Massachusetts passed same gender marriage a few years ago, the Netherlands has had same gender marriage for an even longer period of time. We need to observe and take seriously the negative impacts that have occurred there. The concerns about parental rights, religious freedom, rights of doctors, effects on overall marital rates and outcomes for children are all based on real life experiences not on supposition.

I strongly urge you to proceed with caution before voting No on Prop 8 which in effect undermines a bastion of our societal structure.

Equal Rights? Definitions Hijacked by Same Gender Activists

2008-10-22T18:57:00.000-07:00

Words are powerful tools used to create emotions, define our reality and to elicit behavior. It is no wonder that the same gender movement has carefully crafted the usage of certain terms and phrases. For example, the major argument for same gender marriage is based on the notion that it is denying a person their civil rights to not call a relationship between people of the same gender a marriage. Once same gender marriage was branded a "civil rights" issue, behavior or opinions that contradicted that notion or questioned those assumptions became "discriminatory", "bigoted", "intolerant" and "hateful". Strong words which are designed to intimidate and inhibit disagreement.

Where did the idea that rights should be granted based on an individuals sexual orientation originate? The "born that way" argument, supposedly substantiated by science in the early 1990's was the kick-off point for getting the mainstream public to view homosexuality as a condition-something that you had no control over. There were two well publicized studies-one in 1991 by Simon LeVay and one in 1993 by Dean Hamer which both found some correlation between biological factors and homosexuality. However, both men agreed that homosexual behavior was more complicated, and most likely involved environmental factors as well. The main stream media filtered out the qualifiers and the "born that way" idea became fact . Unfortunately, despite the best efforts of numerous scientists, many of whom happen to identify as "gay" there still is no substantial proof that the nature theory is true. Sexuality appears to fit the model of being a BEHAVIOR rather than a condition. The development of our sexuality is influenced by a number of different variables but exactly how these interact to create same gender attraction is still unknown. This model fits better with the description of other human characteristics like speech, intelligence, physical health, athleticism, etc. There may be predispositions towards certain traits but there have to be specific environmental factors that exist for that characteristic or behavior to be enhanced or diminished. However, the horse was already out of the barn and definitions about homosexuality were squelched as the conclusion had already been announced. The media pronounced that homosexuality was a condition, no choice or responsibility was involved and therefore the arguments for rights and equality could enter in.

This line of reasoning was also supported by changing the way we described or identified homosexual behavior. The terms "gay" and "lesbian" began to be used as nouns to describe a condition of a person in an attempt to make it analogous to gender or ethnicity. Again, this is part of the strategy for strengthening the case for identifying "gay" "rights" with civil rights. Again, to reiterate what was described above, existing scientific evidence is actually more consistent with an interactive model with both nature and nurture influencing sexual development. Therefore, it is more accurate to use the terms gay, lesbian, bisexual. transgender, or heterosexual as adjectives describing an individuals behavior not as nouns indicating an unchangeable condition. There certainly seem to be certain traits that predispose people to homosexual behaviors but there is also an element of choice in whether or not these behaviors are exhibited or identified with.

This idea of choice and responsibility is further substantiated by a growing amount of evidence that individuals have successfully altered their focus of attraction with the help of reparative therapy. The use of the word reparative implies a bias towards viewing homosexuality as less than ideal-which is how it was viewed for thousands of years and across most cultures until very recently. Interestingly enough the type of therapy used to "come out" in the 80's was called affirmative therapy, further substantiating the bias that people with same gender attraction are just validating who they really are.

Gender identity is a phrase that was widely discussed but has now been largely ignored because it doesn't fit with the gay rights model of sexuality. Gender identity refers to how a person sees themself-identifying as either male or female. The gay movement has pigeonholed people into narrow definitions of either being gay or lesbian. Actually a man can identify as a man and be attracted to a man or a woman, and women that might identify as being more masculine can still be attracted to men or they might be attracted to women. Narrow definitions or biases have caused many people with gender identity confusion to then think they also had same gender attraction. Same gender attraction and gender identity are two separate and important differences in human beings. Morphing two definitions into one has actually interfered with some people's feeling of free agency in regards to their sexuality. Just because you think or feel a certain way doesn't mean that your behavior has to follow. Many people have thoughts and feelings that they don't want and have learned how to regulate, moderate or extinguish. The gay movement is a major proponent of not questioning or inhibiting any thoughts or feelings towards same gender attraction. They feel that if you feel attracted you should act, and without restraint.

Another definition that cropped up in the 70's to help confuse and distort the area of sexuality was the idea of being androgynous, or not identifying predominantly with either gender. This actually helped feed into the bisexual and transgender movement which are both just further erosions of traditional boundaries and definitions. Again, the concern should be to ask ourselves what the goal is for blurring parameters that have helped provide structure, order and meaning to individuals and families. Our identity is core to our well being and changing and morphing basic definitions such as male, female, marriage, and families has only served to create more confusion and instability.

We need to step back and carefully consider the words and phrases we hear and use, to make sure they are accurate. The media loves to wield it's clout to control our perceptions. How they decide which ideas to push is beyond me but they tend to have some things in common:
1. They generally aren't completely true.
2. They have an anti-traditional and or anti-religious bias
3. They seem to be driven by the values of a very select group of people living very atypical lives.
4. They would not work well if we all lived that way.

Please be mindful as you continue to study and learn about this important aspect of the human condition. I would hope that the words patience, understanding, coooperation, truth, moderation, discipline, and self regulation can find their way back into our daily vocabularies.

Concerns Regarding Same Gender Marriage

2008-10-21T11:28:00.000-07:00

I am writing this because I feel very strongly about an issue that I don’t think you are receiving accurate information about. It is fascinating and disturbing that people are so ready to accept information disseminated by the mainstream media, Hollywood or anyone else that is “famous”. Given their track record we should take whatever they report with a bag of salt (not just a grain). Proposition 8 has been at the receiving end of a lot of misinformation as has the whole issue of homosexuality. Let me respond to a number of frequently stated positions.

Myth 1. Gay marriage doesn’t affect anyone negatively. It is their business and we should let them marry.
RESPONSE: We are all interconnected, on a macro and a micro level. Why do you think governments do environmental impact reports? Why aren’t we considering a societal impact report. We do not live in isolation. There is longitudinal data out of Europe regarding the consequences of same gender “marriage”. And the results are not positive for a society-a decrease in the number of marriages overall, increase in out of wedlock births, etc. All societies need rules and boundaries. We should not be altering basic societal definitions that have existed for thousands of years and across many cultures. There must be profound physical, biological, psychological and social benefits in our present definition of marriage as one man and one woman for them to have endured the test of time. Change is not always for the better and just because people say something long enough and loud enough doesn’t mean it’s true. What is the primary purpose of marriage? It is to regulate, provide protection for and promote the rearing of children which is the back bone of civilization. There is a great deal of research supporting the idea that the ideal setting for raising children is to have a father and a mother. We should be seeking for the ideal not what feel is convenient or easy for us. Who is watching out for the children’s rights?

Myth 2. A gay lifestyle is the same as a heterosexual lifestyle.
RESPONSE: Male same gender couples are very promiscuous, typically of shorter duration., and are not likely to involve children. Lesbian couples tend to have higher rates of domestic abuse. Individuals living a same gender lifestyle have higher rates of depression, anxiety, substance abuse and suicidality than individuals living a heterosexual lifestyle. Also, married heterosexual men have a much longer lifespan. Natures’ strategy of pairing men and women together helps to bring a balance-an equilibrium which has a strengthening effect to both genders.

Myth 3. Demanding same gender marriage is about equal rights.
RESPONSE: Regardless of the “rights” that have been granted to gay individuals and couples, gay activists have continued pushing for more. Civil unions and domestic partnerships have the same exact legal right as married couples-no less and no more. If the court ruling on same gender marriage stands there will be other consequences. The “rights’ of religious organizations to preach about their beliefs regarding homosexuality will be denied. Ministers won’t have freedom of choice about marrying couples, doctors--see the suit in San Diego--will not be able to make treatment choices based on their religious beliefs, and therapists will no longer be able to treat individuals who want to overcome same gender feelings and behaviors. The “rights” of same gender individuals will supersede religious freedom. Same gender individuals have the right to engage in whatever thoughts, feelings and behaviors they want but they do not have the right to impose their beliefs on others anymore than I have the right to impose my religious beliefs on them

Myth 4-This is the greatest myth of all. If you are gay or lesbian you were born that way. RESPONSE: SHOW ME THE SCIENCE! At best there is a correlation between biology and same gender behavior-they have done gene studies, hormone studies, twin studies, hypothalamic studies, birth order studies, etc. and the science is inconclusive. The most likely explanation is that it is a complex interplay between environmental factors and biological factors. Each case is different, male and female homosexuality is very different. Gender identity issues are very different than same gender attraction. Other sexual variations such as transgender, and bisexual don’t even agree with each other on causation. We skipped the whole discussion about what homosexuality is and raced right to letting a small group of gay activists define things. All of the original studies upon which the “born that way” myth was based were done by gay men and about gay men. There have not been very many studies about female homosexuality. Sexuality is a human behavior not a condition like race. So this whole discussion of rights is inappropriate. You don’t get certain privileges just because you feel a certain way. By redefining marriage to include people based on their focus of sexual attraction and “love” you open up a huge Pandora’s box. Legally you then have to consider the “rights” of transgender and bisexual individuals. Polygamy and polyandry are fair game, and other boundaries begin to blur. Where do you stop? What has happened to other societies that have embraced and championed homosexual behavior?

Myth 5-People who support Proposition 8 hate gays and are intolerant bigots.
RESPONSE: Just because I disagree with someone about something doesn’t mean I hate them, wouldn’t hire them, wouldn’t socialize with them or would be hurtful, mean or violent towards them. Some of the people who I deeply love have chosen to live same gender lives. I treat them the same as anyone else. As a matter of fact I feel I am discriminated against more by those who live same gender lifestyles than vice versa. I don’t call names, deface their property, flip them off or slam the door in their face like has happened to me in the last few days as I have walked my neighborhood to inform people about his issue.

This country was established primarily to grant religious freedom--to worship who what or where we may. How ironic that a select group of very angry individuals is ready do overturn the very core unit of our society and nation -the nuclear family. Our greatest concern should be to protect the family unit as it is presently constituted and to continue our tradition of free speech and freedom of religion. We should not be bullied, harassed or controlled by judicial fiat. And any changes to basic structures in society should be carefully studied and weighed out over time.

I hesitated writing this letter for fear of how it would be perceived. And then it struck me that therein lies the problem. Why should I be afraid to talk about something with my friends, family and neighbors? How did this issue come to be of such importance in such a short period of time and as if it were something we should champion and embrace rather than be concerned about? Tolerance, equality, diversity, bigotry are all words that are being tossed around freely these days--and they may not have the same meaning that they used to. Maybe more appropriate goals would be love, patience, prudence, discipline, boundaries, moderation, sacrifice, and understanding. I believe that there are a variety of reasons why people have same gender attraction and that most of us experience our sexuality along a continuum. I believe that sexuality is something that definitely needs checks and balances for it to be productive for individuals and societies. I believe that people with same gender attraction have been treated poorly in the past and that they are deserving of the same love, respect and consideration as individuals who choose a heterosexual lifestyle. However, I believe it is a huge stretch to compare the gay movement with the civil rights movement. I don’t think people’s sexuality should be their primary defining characteristic. Gender and race are human conditions while same gender attraction is not. I believe that we have swung the pendulum way too far to the other extreme and that we need to return to center. Our society has become obsessed with sexual things, and excesses and I believe the gay movement is a misguided part of this obsession. The prevalence of homosexuality is estimated to be from 4-10%(higher in industrialized societies) How did virtue and morality become bad words? As a society we need to champion what is good for the society as a whole and not make exceptions the rule of law. All of us have things that we have had to learn to control and manage and this makes us stronger and better people. I highly encourage you to give consideration to some of these thoughts and to let the lessons of history and logic direct your reasoning.